i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
