You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
