I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
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If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
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I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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