oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
