New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Randomize
