Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
