I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
