I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
