the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
