i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
