Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
