Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
