I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
