ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
ttyl tear gas
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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