My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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