as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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