And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
