new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
