Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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