There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
