I wish I only lived at night.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
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Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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