we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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