Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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