It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
