Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
