YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I will pee on everything he values.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
