i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
