I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
