wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
i've created a new STD.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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