I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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