I am puke
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
