Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
