I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
MIDGETS
????
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
