and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
pray to the hookup gods
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You ruined the universe
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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