Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I lost the right to judge tonight
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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