i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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