lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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