Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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