Rock
Scissors
Fuck
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
