Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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