I wish I could punch you in the face.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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