thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
