Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Randomize
