Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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