the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
