singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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