also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
