shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
