After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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