I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
