I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
