I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
