dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
