we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i will never coherently bang her
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
