it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
