I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
