its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
