The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
