will power is for people who don't want to get laid
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
the raccoons are back...
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