I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
