Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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