Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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