please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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