I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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