Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
