I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
