we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
