areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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