i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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