I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
