Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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