The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
