i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
