no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
